I'm Baaaaaack

The Reverend Pat Robertson called the other day, just to let me know I haven't been agitating the masses enough lately and his funds are drying up. I would have told him to go pleasure himself in some land far, far away and leave me alone, but the last time I did that I got nothing but grief and 2 weeks of phone calls from really pissed-off sheep-farmers in New Zealand.

So, I suppose I'll figure out something to do. The daniaspeak website http://daniaspeak.com/has been redesigned and still has some pages to tweak. The entire FunnyBoned and ScrapArt links are offline still as I wanted to replace them each in entirety. FunnyBoned should be up and running within the next week - ScrapArt and DGJ Gallery should follow soon.

And GoToGirl Consulting http://gotogirlconsulting.com/is on vacation for now. I have to decide if I keep it at this level or contract out more employees - more writers, editors, another SEO guy...it really makes you wanna just smile at people who say things like, "Oh! You work at home? That must be so great! You can do whatever you want, huh?"

Yep, makes you wanna just smile. And keep smiling as you scratch their eyes out.

So, until I manage to get everything up and running, I suppose I'll have to leave the agitating of the masses to the Conservative Republicans themselves. Sweet mother of god, between Ann Coulter and her "Witches of East New Brunswick" tirade against the 9/11 widows (specifically 4 who bonded together after losing their husbands in 9/11 and pushing for a how-the-fu*k-did-the-U.S.-government-NOT-see-this-coming investigation)and George W. who apparently wants everyone in Mexico to move in so there will be plenty of room for all the gays and lesbians he'd really like to kick out, the Republicans could get Hilary elected if they keep this up.

So, I'm off to create havoc in my own little world today. Have fun.

Santa Claws & Survivor - Jones Xmas

Well, Santa Claus, um, I mean, Santa Claws, visited early. Tippi is so excited- I don't think I'll ever get the mammoth bone away from her!

Tippi and I are heading off this afternoon to my parents' for Xmas Eve...there's still something magical about about waking up Christmas morning at their house and thinking, "It's Christmas."...

At which point memories of years past come flooding back and I throw off the covers, leap to the door, (usually crashing into a wall or two), race/stumble/curse down the hallway, through the living room and into the family room where I only slow down enough so as not to kill my sister as I body slam her away from the xmas tree where she has been quietly "liberating" about a half-dozen or so of the hundred dollar bills "Santa" left on it for it - just enough so that no one would really notice.

Took Daddy 5 Christmasses to figure it out...now it's like a game: Survivor - The Jones Sisters.

Tune in Tomorrow morning...

Game Day in Enemy Territory

The only reason I am still alive at this moment is because a certain fumble-footed kicker from Dallas couldn't kick a football into the broadside of a barn from 10 yards away if his Momma's life depended on it.
And as thankful as I am that I am still breathing (due to the fact that I, a die-hard Dallas Cowboys fan since the day I was born in the great state of Texas, did not get to celebrate a win over Denver, where I happen to be spending Thanksgiving) I still hope that kicker's Momma whips his ass when he gets home for shaming himself on national television and single-handedly (or footedly) losing the game.
Yeah...still a little bitter. But jesus f*#^*!! christ...It was already unbearably horrible enough to be surrounded by 2 dozen enemy combatants with Bronco Blood pulsing through their veins as they fixated on the game. Christ...my mom and I tossed the appetizers and were gnawing on the china in a desperate attempt not to scream at the refs or cheer with Dallas. And I'm not a quiet girl during a game. When I've been at my parents' house during NFL game days, my dad has come from the back of the house to remind me that no one on the field can actually hear me, "although the neighbors probably can"...and that's from the man who yells at the people on Survivor.
I went outside in my cousin's front yard a couple of times to make phone calls to football buddies so I could vent and jump and curse some Denver and Go Dallas loudly, if only for a few minutes...and then I realized that my cousin's neighbor had company over who were also outside.
Did I mention I was not very quiet?
Well anyway, dinner was wonderful, the game was miserable, I met family I hadn't seen before and discovered that enough good red wine and fine bone china makes it possible to get through game day in enemy territory.

Vacation Greetings...Kind Of

I would like to say Greetings and Salutations from the private tropical island I have rented for the next month.

Tell me this isn’t the life… The beach house – majestic and well-appointed…

The gardens – breathtaking and well-appointed…

The cabana boy – very well-app, uh… Tequila flowing like water…

Unfortunately, as much as I would like to say hello to everyone from a place like this right now…I’m not. Oh hell no. Not even friggin’ close. As a matter of fact, I’ll be leaving the relatively mild winter climate of my present surroundings for those of Colorado in a short while. Don’t misunderstand, I enjoy the mountains and snow, but in tightly controlled, excursion-specific travel plans. A one-week ski trip to a ski-in/ski-out resort with an in-room Jacuzzi, on-site sauna and steam room facilities and 24-hour taxi service to town. I don’t ask for much, but I do have to have the basics.

Now, on the other hand, a month of the private island every year and I might be able to keep myself from drinking my way to the top of a bell tower with a high-powered rifle and scope when PETA activists come to town. Hell, I might even quit aiming at them from my second floor windows altogether.

So, in honor of all things hopeful and holiday and vacation I’m noting a few upcoming days of interest. If possible I’ll revisit some of these, but like I said, I’ll be out for a while.

And everyone who knows me should celebrate November 18th…even just knowing me is reason enough to celebrate that day. I should petition to have it changed to Friends-Of-A-Scorpio-Support-Day.

Pursuit-of-Happiness-Week:8-14

I-Need-A-Patch-For-That-Day:12

Loosen-Up-Lighten-Up-Day:14
Married-To-A-Scorpio-Support-Day: 18
Have-A-Bad-Day-Day:19
Name-Your-PC-Day:20
World-Television-Day:21
International-Aura-Awareness-Day:25
Shopping-Reminder-Day:25
Electronic-Greetings-Day:29

Stay-Home-Because-You're-Well-Day:30

The Vacation Rules

I know, vacation from what? Don't start. The last few months have been just so completely off-the-wall that there was no coordinating one day to the next. If I didn't have my own business where I can cram a week's work into one panicked, desperate day with deadlines loomimg if I have to, I SO would have been fired at least a dozen times in the last six months.
So I've decided this is going to be an extended vacation. The GTGconsulting website is going under a complete re-design, and will remain in hiatus until mid-December most likely.
The daniaspeak.com website is also under reconstruction as well, but parts of it are still accessible...just not very much. I promise to have all main site & daniaspeak World links back up by Xmas there.
This site is much neglected, I know. I will try to work on active links once I decide I'm no longer on vacation. I may even drop in once in awhile if something really gets under my skin...
For now, however, vacation rules are as follows:

1. Don't bother me about the sites til December
2. See rule #1

Long Time No See

Long Time No See…

Well, Tippi has finally forgiven me for uprooting her and staging a temporary out-of-state move. Actually, THAT she could have handled - wolves are a hardy species, and Tippi adapts to just about anything…but my parents’ cadre of little yip-yip dogs and their aging, moody, behemoth yard-lion of a cat was almost too much for her.
And then, once I was able to tunnel my way back to freedom, (kidding, Mom) Tippi & I spent 2 days at home before I took off for a vacation and Tippi had to go back to my parents’ for a week by herself this time. Poor baby.

So, we’ve settled back in now & things are beginning to return to normal. It’s nice actually living & sleeping in my place. But I think Tippi actually misses the bayou and the big back yard and swimming anytime she wanted.
I’ll catch up more over the next days and weeks as time allows, but I’ve also let my “just for the fun of it” website go ignored as well, which isn’t a big deal, but I’ve also been unable to do any of my “real” work either..Haha. I’m currently redesigning the entire gotogirl consulting site.
Right now I’m just thankful that my dad is alive and well…for those who don’t know, he’s a pilot and he crashed a few months ago. I got the call about 30 minutes after the plane went down, before anyone knew what the on-ground report was going to be. I managed to get to the ER in the state where my parents live while they were still treating him and waiting for the specialists and surgeons. The last of his surgeries wasn’t finished until almost 24 hours after that first phone call I received.
So, now that my services as happily indentured daughter are no longer needed and my short respite of spas and massages and pedicures of a quick vacation is over, I suppose I really do need to do something other than glare at this backlog of stuff. Oh well, at least my nails look good.

Some Assembly Required

Q. How many LEGO bricks does it take to build a full-size SUV?
A. 201,425

Q. How bored do you have to be?
A. I DON’T KNOW, but if I ever reach this point, someone please take me out AND shoot me.


This is AN actual, NO-KIDDING, full-sized replica of a Volvo XC90 SUV constructed solely with the famous we-all-played-with-em-as-kids LEGO bricks. Yep, just regular old everyday Legos. AND it gets weirder. The DAMNED THING is parked at LEGOLAND.
What is LEGOLAND you ask? It’s a 128-acre theme park located in Carlsbad, California, just NORTH of SAN Diego, basically geared towards families with kids. The place has “family rides” (over 50 of them), "Hands-ON" attractions AND shows. I’m NOT EVEN GOING to guess what “shows” they have about Legos. I CAN surmise however, that a day at LEGOLAND with a couple of young kids would make ANYONE over 18 both VIOLENTLY despise Legos AND forego ANY PLANS to breed, ever.
The “Legocar” ( AND try NOT to laugh ) was “NOTED as ONE of the top-three most gratifying projects of its KIND for the Master Builders...members of AN elite team of talented artists who DESIGN, create and MAINTAIN the THOUSANDS of LEGO brick models at LEGOLAND California.”
I THINK the Master Model Builders NEED some VACTION time and GIRLFRIENDS.
However, if LEGOLAND sounds like your THING, AND you’re NOT around the NORTH America NEIGHBORHOOD, you’re IN luck. There are three other LEGOLAND parks in the world –
1. LEGOLAND Billund in Denmark
2. LEGOLAND Windsor, outside of London
3. LEGOLAND Deutschland in Germany
So, try aNd show some restraint, but enjoy yourself.
ANd No, the Legocar isn’t drivable.